After nearly a month-long hiatus, it’s back! Having to go through pun withdrawals is quite troubling, so it’s time to change things up again ( cue the drum set, I’m feeling a series of rim-shots).
This week, we have Houston Astros center fielder Jordan Schafer and multiplatinum recording artist Eminem.
Currently on the 15 day Disabled List with a left shoulder injury, Schafer, the 25 year-old Indiana native feels as though he hasn’t played in a major league game in “Forever.”
2012 has been Schafer’s third consecutive attempt to break out into stardom after a positive HGH test in 2008 left him suspended for 50 games. Experts rationalized the decision to enhance his training, saying, “He needed a little controversy.”
The left-handed speedster is batting a feeble .216 on the season but is 2 for 3 against Detroit rap legend Papa Doc after defeating him in an open mic night last weekend.
Schafer has been far from the Astros’ only disappointment this season. At 40-91, Houston finds itself a study in mediocrity, trailing the NL Central-leading Cincinnati Reds by 39.5 games. The rest of the MLB just stood there to watch the Astros burn through all their players as they essentially cleaned house by gutting their more expensive contracts towards the end of last season.
The perennial cellar dwellers need to remind themselves that “it’s not so bad…it’s not so bad.” Before they know it, they’ll be trying their luck in the AL West.
Still, Schafer remains unfazed and brutally honest with critics as well as people who insist he is Eminem. “It’s a little too late to say that you’re sorry now, you kicked me when I was down, but what you say just don’t hurt me,” he said.
Note: the real Jordan Schafer prefers to stand during interviews.